What a difference four years makes.

Four years ago, right this moment, we were sitting in a doctors office being told that Cole had cancer. CANCER. Well, technically, we were told that Cole had a brain tumor and honestly at that time I wasn't even considering cancer - it was JUST a tumor. Little did I know.

I remember the day very well and have probably already talked about it here, but feel the need to do it again. So sorry if this is a rerun. Cole had an MRI. He refused to fall asleep. I mean, seriously it took forever for the sedation drug to kick in. I did everything. Rocked him and sang to him - all my tricks that normally worked, did nothing in that stupid little prep room. Well, finally he goes to sleep, we've missed our appointment and now have to wait for the current MRI to finish before we can get started. We sit in the MRI room with Cole, while he's going through it all. He's sound asleep and the MRI is just buzzing along. I was studying for a test I was having the next day. It was pretty hard to study through this though. Jason paced. A lot. Now we were told before hand that they rarely have to 'run contrast' and when they do it's because they 'need a better picture of what's there' - meaning something IS there that they need a picture of. So, the tech comes in and we're like, what are you doing? He's running contrast.

We knew.

We didn't say a word, but we knew.

I remember driving home and getting a call from one of Jason's coworkers - telling him the pediatrician called. Jason calls back and the doctor goes right into 'we suspect your son has a brain tumor'!! Jason almost took out a mailbox. The doctor didn't even start with 'are you sitting down?' - just jumped right in. That was actually the LAST time we spoke to him. The whole process of Cole being diagnosed was long and painful - for us and him. This isn't a pediatrician I ever wanted to see again. EVER.

So, we flipped out. Actually, Jason sort of flipped out - he was angry, really mad. I went into Mother Mode - you know - what do I have to do? how do we fix this? we can fix it, right? and trying to hold it together for Cole. He didn't need to see us come apart.

It was several hours later before we met Cole's life saver. He made us feel at ease. He made me feel comfortable with him. He told us to pray and that he would be praying, too. THAT meant so much to us. So much.

The next day, we left for the hospital. We spent the evening trying to survive. Trying to understand. Trying to figure it out. We had no idea what was ahead of us. We worried.

I didn't know what the next days would hold, or weeks, or months. They were hard - in so many ways. They were wonderful - in so many ways. I mean we had some great times in Memphis, despite the fact that Cole had no hair, could barely eat, and had lost lots of weight. Despite the fact that we were miles from home, miles from family.

The next big anniversary for us is Saturday. Cole will be cancer free for FOUR years on Saturday. I can't believe it's been four years. Some times it seems like a million years, sometimes like it was just yesterday.

He is so amazing!!

Thanks for reading,
lisa