Another Five Years ago post......

So, it's getting closer - Cole's five year anniversary of being cancer free. But today five years ago, we were heading to the eye doctor again. Cole's left eye was still turning in. We had been looking up all sorts of things online - 7th nerve palsy, different conditions that caused eyes to turn in - anything we could think of. His daycare teachers (who loved him so so much) were ever telling us about their own child, or kids they knew, who just needed glasses to correct their eye problem and it was not a big deal. We were so just hoping he'd need some glasses and that's it.

That's not the way it happened.

While we were in the doctors office, Cole experienced every symptom at once. He had been throwing up randomly and having headaches off and on, but not necessarily at the same time. Well, this day - it was all at once. The eye doctor just looked at Cole's eye, looked at us and said you need an MRI, right away!!

UGH - an MRI? Really? That can't be a good thing. We'd already gone through an MRI once with Cole, on his heel at around 1/5 years old, maybe 2. He had a cyst in his heel, it had been there since he was about 6 months old. It turned out to be nothing, but eventually it became infected and burst and had to be removed - that's another story though!!

So, the pediatrician's office starts lining up the MRI and call me that afternoon to tell me we were scheduled to have an MRI in February - the 16th, I believe. This was January 25th!! You want us to wait that long? I was flipping out. The nurse said she understood how we felt, she'd had to wait on her son to get an MRI as well, for a hurt shoulder. I'm thinking, really? That's the same? The eye doctor just told us there is something in Cole's head pushing on a nerve that's hurting his eye and you think that's the same??? I wasn't ugly or anything just told her we needed an MRI before then, we could not wait. Plus, they scheduled the MRI at a hospital that didn't even take our insurance. Just not a good thing - all the way around. She called back and we had an MRI two days later. That's more like it.

We were so nervous about that MRI. I can still feel that icky feeling in the pit of my stomach. All in all, I just wanted an answer. I wanted to know what was wrong with Cole and then I wanted to know how to fix it. Nothing else mattered at the time.

I was tired of writing down everything he ate and when. I was tired of writing down each time he threw up and had a headache. I was tired of not knowing. I was tired of the guilt I felt - was I causing this? Was I giving him a food he had some strange allergy to? I felt so bad for the teachers in his daycare, too - they would call about once a week and tell us Cole was throwing up again. The last time it happened, he had a fever, too and just laid down on his nap mat and slept. He told his teacher his head hurt and he didn't feel good and just wanted to go home. Oh it was so pitiful. More than anything, I hated that I couldn't fix it. I couldn't just give him a kiss and hug and make it all better!! You know, at that age - mommy kisses fix just about everything!!

Wednesday is the anniversary of the MRI and THE news!! I'll post about it on Wednesday. I know this story may be old to some of you reading, but it helps me to get it out and reflect and be thankful for what we have now!!

Thanks for reading!!