5 years ago..............

Five years ago Saturday, we were at our nephews birthday party. It was a bowling party. Cole bowled a little, which was really difficult since the smallest ball weighed more than he could pick up! But he tried. I remember the ball only making it about half way down the lane. He played in the arcade. He ate pizza. He ran into things. That last item isn't normal for him though. He was playing and running around having a blast, but kept bumping into things the whole time. His left eye was a little off, too and we had no idea why. We just kept watching him during the day and as he got more tired, his left eye turned in more and more. Jason took Cole to the pediatrician the next morning. This was probably the 10th appointment in 4.5 months. The pediatrician had blown us off many times so far. Just didn't really believe anything was wrong. We had prescription after prescription and no change in Cole at all. We were frustrated now. For 4.5 months Cole had been throwing up randomly - at least once a week, sometimes more. He always felt fine afterwards though. Once in a while, he'd complain that his head hurt, as well. We just didn't know what was wrong.

Monday morning, the pediatrician says 'there's nothing wrong with his eye'! He hadn't really even looked at Cole. Just a glance. None of those little flashlight thingies that they use to look in ears, eyes, and noses. Just a glance. Jason was mad - and left. He went to work, with Cole in tow, and started looking up eye doctors. His boss and coworkers both asked what was wrong with Cole's eye - and commented that it was turning in. Regular old people without a PHD could tell something was wrong.

Jason found an eye doctor and just lucked out and got an appointment the next morning. Sadly, I was stuck at school. Monday, I was working in the computer lab and Tuesday I had classes. Our semester had just started and missing class was a big ordeal. As soon as class ended, I checked in with Jason and the doctors appointment went well. The doctor was great and instantly put Jason at ease. We were getting somewhere, finally. The doctor threw out a few names of things it could be. He wanted to wait a few weeks and see Cole again. So we waited..........

Just two and a half weeks later our world completely changed. I mean, turned upside down.

It's really so hard to believe it's been 5 years. In the weeks that followed we had a stupid phone call from a pediatrician that had no idea how to give bad news to someone (seriously Jason almost took out a mailbox since we were driving when the call came with the news), Cole had MRI's and tests and surgeries and iv's and pokes and prods. Things we never thought we'd have to deal with. Things we never thought we'd even know about. We encountered doctors and nurses that really didn't know how to deal with the situation. They would say the wrong thing, or be a little less gentle with Cole than we preferred. BUT there were a few wonderful doctors and nurses that when they walked in the room, we were good. We knew the next little while we go smoothly. Once nurse had been through something similar with her child. She had gone through the symptoms and MRI's and surgeries, too. Her son also had a brain tumor. It was a different tumor, in a different place, but still a tumor. She could relate. She was so much kinder to us, probably because she'd been in our shoes. She'd been there and understood.

Oh this time of year just brings back so many thoughts and feelings. Things just changed so much for us in 2005. Things we'll never get back. Things we wouldn't change for the world.

Good times and bad.

I'm sure I'll be blogging about it a little more this month and into February, simply because it all weighs heavily on my heart and mind right now.

And now we're out of school, and here I sit on the computer when we have a playdate to get to. I'll probably be late now - bummer - but that's okay!!

Have a wonderful Monday!!