Well, I just went back and read my blog post this time last year and wow! I failed at lots of things I wanted to accomplish. I didn't take more pictures. I didn't make it past the first month of Project Life. I'm not sure I was present enough. At least not as present as I thought I would be once I picked my One Little Word for 2012.
So what I'd I do? Well, I got a job. I started working in a self contained classroom as an aide with a wonderful teacher, another aide and some great kids. I really didn't think the special Ed or exceptional Ed world was for me. Until I was in it. I'm not sure if I ever talked about this here or not but I was scared to death of special/exceptional Ed when I was in college. I had a teacher that was very 'worst case scenario' all the time. She had me believing I'd have a kid in my room that had a full time nurse and they would be hooked up to ivs and feeding tubes during class! WHAT? I was scared. The next semester I spent numerous days in the doctors office with Cole while he was sick. Months later a cancer diagnosis would answer all our questions and even our prayers. Yes, I said that. But only in the sense that we had answers. And we could fix the problem finally. So God picked me up out of my safe little world and dropped me smack into the world of wheel chairs, ivs, never ending medical procedures and feeding tubes. I guess he showed me.
I wish I'd had the ability to pay a little more attention to the nudge from above.
We survived cancer and were made stronger because of it. We learned a lot. We went through a lot together. We tried to return to normal life but it did take a while. It was hard to leave behind the security of the hospital. I mean, St. Jude was the DisneyWorld of hospitals. Not much to worry about there. Thy took care of us. I spent so much time not worrying about the day to day stuff and just focused on keeping Cole happy. I never paid attention to the nudge.
Back to 2012. I loved the job I had and was told it was mine as long as I wanted it or until the principal found another place better suited for me. Then the summer sped along and I helped get our room ready. I love that part of teaching - creating a safe haven for the students. Something welcoming and warm. Somewhere they will love! Then the principal called. He had another plan. Sadly, it still wasn't a classroom. There was a classroom but he felt it wasn't the place for me. I trusted that and have been shown time and time again that he was right. I was right to trust him. Anyway, another position was available that he felt was more suited to what I'm trained to do. I was excited but sad at the same time. I would miss my kids. And I do miss them even though I see them each week in the halls at school. Quick little hugs are great!
This new position was a lateral move. Same title, same pay, different kids. I'm in nine if fervent classrooms now working with exceptional Ed kids. Kids that just need a little more help. Kids like Cole. I actually get to work with Cole a little and I live it.
The nudge is more present now. Almost like a shove. Why didn't I get a degree in ex Ed? Why did I not feel the nudge until recently? I just choose to ignore it I guess? Just pushed it aside. Don't worry, I'm not going back to school for ex Ed. But I do wish I'd made another choice. I may be employed full time already had I done ex Ed. But that's nothing I can change now. Not quickly anyway.
So, while I didn't scrapbook or photograph Cole more or document our life enough or be present in e dry situation I did get a job. I did learn what I can do. I did learn that by being so present at school, I got somewhere. My foot isn't just barely in the door anymore. My whole body is there. I'm on payroll. I'm paying into retirement. I have sick days. Well, not anymore because I had the flu the last week of school.
I was present somewhere. And it counted. I worked.
While my new word for 2013 will be from a different perspective, I still want to live in the present, be present!!!
How was your 2012? What was your best accomplishment?
Lisa
(No spell check or proofing. I'm typing on my new iPad that I won!!!! Sorry or not reading over my words)
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