Monday, January 23, 2012

Everything she wants........

There are so many things that I want to do. 

I really want to find a full time position in a school - a school with a family feeling, a school that welcomes me and helps me grow as a teacher, a school that I can contribute to as well, a school that my personality fits.  Just a place for me.  I don't have one - I mean, I have a temporary one that I love so much, but I want a permanent one.  It's not really so much to ask for, is it?  A place you belong.  I had no idea that it would be so hard to find a job when I went back to school.  I had no idea that we would move away from my school connections and I would invest time in other schools and that time wouldn't get my anywhere.  It's depressing.  It makes things hard.  Hard on me personally because I'm not fulfilling my purpose, hard on my family because I'm not making enough money, just hard all the way around. 

I really want to be a better homemaker, wife and mom.  Everything gets done but not necessarily the way I would like for it to get done.  In my head, I'm much more organized.  I just can't manage to make it happen in real life.  There are tons of things that just need to go away - trash, donate, etc - and I can't make it happen.  For lots of reasons.  I know I have room to improve on the wife and mom front.  Lots of room.  I don't know where to start.

I really want to be more creative.  There's tons of things I want to make - as gifts, for our home, etc. but it doesn't happen.  I'm not very good at balancing time.  I'm trying to step away from the computer and get my hands dirty in my crafting supplies, but then I'm neglecting my family or the laundry or something.  Making things makes me feel better.  I think because when I complete what I've made, I see results.  There are lots of other areas in my life that I don't get to see results in - so it's hard for me.

I really want to feel like I've accomplished something in life. 

I don't always feel that way.

I'm not having a pity party - just thinking about life and how it works.  I know I'm not the only one that thinks these things out and wonders........... but that doesn't make it any easier. 

Well, that's it from me - just things on my mind I wanted to get out!!

1 comment:

gimmegodiva said...

ummm... Are you in my head? I could have written most of that....


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