Thursday, June 10, 2010

The Real World

Yes, I'm talking about the Real World - no, not the MTV show that used to be good but turned trashy.  No, not the Matchbox 20 song, although I do love it!

MY real world.  I read this post this morning by Stephanie Howell - who I really admire and totally stalk via blog, Facebook and Twitter!!  And then I read this one by Michelle.  So, I figured - why not?  I can be real, right?

Now, I know plenty of times I'm real about Cole and cancer and stuff like that.  There are lots of things I'd love to vent about here and don't for fear someone would read it and take it the wrong way or get mad at me - even though it's my blog and I should be able to say what I want!

So, here's the real me - and yes, I'm beginning the same way Stephanie and Michelle did - because it's the truth!!

My bed is rarely ever made.  I don't have time and when I do have time, I don't care that it's not made.  Cole's bed is rarely made by me.  He makes his own bed once in a while and lately is tired of making it so he sleeps under a blanket ON TOP OF his quilt so he doesn't mess it up.  Not a bad idea, Buddy!!

There are usually dirty dishes in my sink and plenty of laundry to do.  I have to clean up before anyone comes over because there is always a little mess somewhere.  So, don't just drop by - I need 30 minutes notice please!

My van is also a little messy.  There are usually at least four empty cups in the floor or cupholders at any given time.

I also love Facebook and my blog.  I love getting comments.  I love leaving comments on Facebook.  I'm bummed when I think I write a great blog post and get no comments - BUT - I don't always comment on other blogs, so I get what I deserve there, huh?

I have low self esteem.  I don't think I'm smart enough or pretty enough or nice enough or friendly enough or skinny enough or have good enough hair or good enough clothes or shoes, or purses, or scrap supplies.  This could go on forever.  In the end, none of that really matters.  But I do wish I was more confident in my own abilities and just happy with what I have.  Only certain people bring those feelings out in me though - it's not all the time but it is MY issue and I'm working on it.

During Cole's illness, life was rather easy.  I didn't break down and cry often.   Actually, I can remember maybe twice being on the verge of tears and one time, actually crying.  First, I'm not much of a crier.  I don't cry at funerals or weddings.  I may get the little lump in my throat, but that's it - a little watery eyes - but that's it.  I've been that way as long as I can remember.  Ok, so back to Cole's illness.  I didn't (and still don't) feel worthy of the grace I felt.  Why did I feel like it was all ok and it would all be good?  Why didn't I stress and worry each and every day?  I know God was taking care of me, but I'm not sure what I did to deserve that.  I wasn't very religious at the time - sure I believed in God, but I wasn't having a relationship with him daily.  So, I wonder all the time why me?  Why did He take that burden for me and carry it?  I'm thankful each and everyday - I was able to focus on Cole 100% instead of worrying and stressing - but in the end.... still don't know what made me worthy of that grace!!

Okay - that's all I've got.  I could probably go on and on - but those were the important things to me!!
Thanks for reading and for the love - leave me a comment!!



Leslie said...

Amazing how much we all think the same things at times :) Love your ideas!

Linh C. said...

Thank Goodness I'm not the only one who doesn't make the beds every morning! I totally share your reality. And from your blog, Stephanie H., and Michelle (whose blog I am now following thanks to you :)), we aren't the only ones who don't have perfect lives or be perfect homemakers. :)

jackie said...

I really enjoyed this blog post! My bed is also never made, my laundry piles up, I am quite lazy AND it doesn't bother me!
Thanks for the honesty and reminding us that no one is perfect!

SavannaLea said...

I don't make my bed either... and don't always cry at weddings or funerals... and who doesn't think they aren't skinny enough, pretty enough, etc.... and heck no we (scrappers) can never have enough supplies-LOL Great post!!!

Anonymous said...

Our house is always messy, but it is our mess :) This is such a touching post, and an amazing one!

irasema said...

i don't think i've made my bed since i moved out of my parent's house :D and i believe that if i worried too much on cleaning, i wouldn't have time to craft!

Jessica Wilson said...

BEAUTIFUL POST!!! I haven't done one like this yet, but I did comment on my blog this morning about Stephanie's post and how important it is for me to be real!! I probably will do a little random facts one like this soon!! I used to have a hard time with self-esteem, but I worked through it and Anthony helped me out a lot with it:):) So that's all better for me...but we all need support ya know! Loved reading this this morning...Love, jess

Chelsea said...

My bed is unmade, there are dishes in my sink, and I totally feel you! It's refreshing to read about someone else's reality, especially since it hits so close to home. Have a good weekend!!

Anonymous said...

What an amazing post. Its so cool to know that I am not the only one who has messy beds and low self esteem. As far as Gods Grace you are well worth every bit of it!

Sherry C said...

Lisa, What a moving post, I got all misty eyed reading it! Thanks for being real!

ellen s. said...

there is nothing wrong with being real and i think most ppl that read this post feel the same way you do! you sound very strong to have gone through cole's cancer and i commend you for that.

Michelle Whitlow said...

Wow, great post! I'm right there with you when it comes to confidence. I've gotten better over the years but every so often that shy little 8 yr old comes out in me!!

Nikki ~ Let's Craft!! said...

Well I am a new blogger and I am having some fun with it to my surprise. I don't have any followers yet but I am still just posting away. I LOVE LOVE LOVE your blog!!! I love getting creative energy from all the blogs and yours is in my top 5, I will be adding you to my site under faves! I hope you can feel the love and know that you have nothing to ever get down on yourself about.!!



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