Who long can you carry a grudge?

I've been known to carry a grudge for a very long time. To the point where others have forgotten the incident even happened but I still remember detail after detail. And I can easily get mad about it all over again. I know - I have issues!

Have you ever had someone yell at you for something that was completely out of your control? And you suddenly felt as though you had to yell back because that's the only way you could be heard, and you instantly jump into defense mode? Then you realize you are defending something set forth by someone else and you don't entirely support the 'cause' but still have to go along with the game anyway! Jeez - that sounds like an awful day huh? Well, it was my day Friday at school. A grandparent and parent yelled at me - I certainly raised my voice back (no doubt about that - or they would have never even heard me!) and I see why the incident happened to begin with. I can now look back and see the evolution of that very moment and completely see that it was not my fault or my doing. But there is still nothing I can do about it - how it happened or the outcome or what will happen upon returning to school! But what I CAN do is not ever make the mistakes I've seen made in classrooms. I can certainly learn what NOT to do! That's what is so hard. When we are placed in classrooms, you think, wow this teacher is great. But then the newness of the situation wears off and you see what the classroom environment is really like. That's why you really learn how things operate in the room. That's when you see what you will and will not repeat in the long run.

So now I've learned what not to do in many situations but I still dread returning to school and dealing with the aftermath of the 'grandma verbal attack'! I feel as though no explanation is going to be good enough. I can be really honest with an administrator and tell her what I think, but she may come down on the teacher who in turn has to evaluate me. So what to do? I haven't a clue!!!! I hate being put in the middle of a situation and having one side not acknowledge what has happened and have the other side (grandma) living across the street from me. I'M NOT KIDDING!!!!

So my Spring Break should be fun filled and enjoyable and instead I'm carrying the grudge of the grandma verbal attack and the dread of returning to school next week. SO not fun! And four days later and I still haven't heard from my teacher. So that doesn't help any - at all!

We are enjoying our time out of school, despite the situation! My cousin and her girls are here and Cole is loving having 'the girls' here! Hunter has colored with Cole and played Dora and Diego so much. It's so sweet to see them playing together. Bailey has taken over the laptop and seems to have it attached to her lap now. I'm not sure what will happen when they go home. Will she have withdrawals? Will she need some type of computer withdrawal counseling? Oh to be 13 and think the world is revolving around you!

We spent yesterday letting the girls shop (what an adventure - I'm so glad I have a boy!) and we went for lunch at LuLu's! Oh I love LuLu's and the LuLu's way of life. Cole now has a new LuLu's shirt for the summer! Today - who knows what lies ahead! The girls are still sleeping, so I'm hopping on the computer while I still have a chance! I wonder if they even realize when I was their age, I didn't have a computer, or IPOD, or cell phone. I think I was probably reading books, watching some television and talking on a phone that had huge push buttons!! Seems like a lifetime ago!

Well, if anyone has grudge advice - about how to just let it go - let me know. It's been an issue for me for a while now!! I hope if you are on Spring Break this week you are enjoying it and having a true break! I know I'm trying! If I can get some scrapbooking in - I'll be a happy camper!

have a wonderful day
lisa

25 days until GRADUATION

I realized today I only have 25 days left! 25 days and I'll no longer be a college student. 25 days and the student loan people will be told - hey she's done, send her a bill. 25 days and I will officially just be a domestic goddess again instead of mom/wife/student!! WOW! One of the fourth graders asked me today how long I've been in school. 16 1/2 years - that's not too bad, except for the fact that most of the teachers I've met are younger than me and have been teaching for 5 years or so, or are older than me and have been teaching for 10+ years. So, I'm a late bloomer of sorts. I knew a long time ago that I wanted to be a teacher, but I also knew I wanted to be a mom. I guess I just did then out of order from most teachers/moms - but that's ok! I'm really looking forward to putting on some heels, a black skirt and white shirt (yes - they have a dress code for graduation - and I don't have a white dress shirt {insert eyes rolling here} and don't want to buy one) and walking (hopefully, gracefully) across the stage, shaking hands with President Moulten, smiling for pics and getting the heck out of college! I can't wait. One of my very good friends will be seated five seats down from me (that's if everyone between us decides to walk) and another one will be right by me! I just can't wait!

There is so much going on in the near future that I'm excited about! My cousin and her two girls are coming next Sunday to spend a few nights. It'll be Spring Break for us and them - so that's exciting. I really miss them and can't wait to have some time with them. Of course, the girls are true girls and act like they are about 16 and are usually too cool to hang out with me, unless they can use my laptop that is, but I love them and can't wait for their arrival. Cole will have a blast too - he loves his girls!

Then, it's back to school for 8 days and then the BIG graduation. The weekend after that is Mother's Day and we'll be doing the ChemoMoms Fundraiser Crop! If you want to read about it - go here>>> http://chemomoms.blogspot.com So if you want to help in some way - please let me know. We're looking for fun things to give away as door prizes, or things to raffle. We would love donations of any sort. There is a list on the site of things we are looking for to do baskets for families that are inpatient (in the hospital). I have tons of great ideas for this organization, but not much time or many resources (you know - money) to do it. I'm hoping I can make a few cool things to give away as well!

Speaking of making cool things - we have remodeled our bathroom. Ripped out wallpaper and texturized the walls, painted, new shower curtain rod (those fancy ones that curve out and give you more shower room), new floor mat and I made a cool clock to hang on the wall, and a wall hanging too. Cole was sad that we were making a mess in his bathroom and wanted us to fix it and paint it red. Well, we already have a red bathroom and didn't want to do the same thing again so we picked gray and decided to accent with white and black and why not throw in some red and M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E too! So that's what we did. Here's the clock and wall hanging - the clock is too darn cute, if I must say so myself!!

The clock doesn't have a second hand, but the bottle cap Mickey, in the middle, ticks and turns around - too cute! And for any scrapbookers out there - this was a cheapo Christmas clock that I got for 75% off after Christmas (75 cents I think) and covered with black cardstock, used my Crop-a-dile to punch two hole to add the ribbon, Heidi Swapp chipboard numbers, and the rest is random Mickey stuff that I've been using to make our Disney Album from the last trip we took to DisneyWorld!

OK - what else? Hmm, Easter was great. We had the Tanner family over to our house. We ate and ate and then played with Amanda's Wii! We bowled right here in my living room! AND I WON!! Only the first game, but HEY I'll take what I can get! Then we (and by WE, I mean ME) spent the evening (about 2 and a half hours) putting together a LARGE Lego set that turned into SPONGEBOB LEGO PANTS! Well, Square Pants actually. My brother sent Cole this Lego set that makes Spongebob from the episode where Plankton gets inside Spongebob's brain and tries to find the Crabby Patty Secret Formula!!!! YIKES! Anyway, it took FOREVER! And then I said to Cole - Don't touch it - if it falls apart, I'm not putting it back together. He pouts and I add, well I'm not putting it back together tonight! (which really means EVER) Lego's are hard! Over 400 pieces! I remember when you just got red, blue, white and clear. My brother and I made all kinds of things. Mostly I made a telephone - the one pictures in the Penny's or Sears catalog that was a push button with the huge receiver! That's really all I made now that I think about it. Doesn't my brother remember that? My talent in Lego building only took me so far. Last night though, it took me to a sponge, under the sea.

Well, that's really all I can think of to share with you today! OH, no it's not. I was just thinking about two years ago today and what was going on in our lives. Two years ago today we were at Mud Island in Memphis with Austin and Allen and their parents. We had a great time hanging out with them. The weather was really nice. It was one of those days where we knew we just needed to get out and do something and it was our last weekend there before coming home for a break and returning to begin chemo. We decided that morning to go somewhere outdoors and mentioned it to Brian and Traci (Austin's parents) and then ran into Allen and his parents and they wanted to come along too. We had a great time! It was opening weekend at Mud Island so there was a petting zoo, a train, hot air balloons too. Fun stuff. Then that Wednesday, Cole had his last radiation treatment and we packed up and headed out! I remember being so excited to leave and then, sad at the same time to leave the new family we had made. By the time we returned Allen had gone home (and was returning weekly for chemo), Austin left just a few days later and several other families were gone as well. It seems like so long ago but I remember so much about the little details! I started writing Cole's story last year in a Reading/Writing class at South. I only got through the first month of his journey but started writing more outside of class. I haven't written anything since April of last year. I couldnt' find the note book for the longest time, just saw it recently and now I'm wondering where it is. I think I'll take it with me to school tomorrow and start writing again. The kids have SAT's tomorrow and I'll be sitting quietly for 2 and 1/2 hours while they take their test - sounds like a good time to write, huh?

Ok, so now I guess I'm done. Thanks for reading - leave me a comment so I know you were here - and have a wonderful week!!!

lisa

busy busy blogger

I really want to update here more often, but just haven't had the chance. So here I am, another Saturday, trying to get it all done!!! I have loads of laundry screaming (not just calling) my name. Dishes wanting to be washed. So much to do and so little time.

School has been really busy this past week. The kids are really keeping my on my toes. I never knew that a 10 year old could have so much of an attitude. It drives me crazy. I could NEVER be that disrespectful to another adult - even at 35 years old! These kids don't care. They don't do it to all of their teachers, but they certainly do it with me and I just don't get it. They really amaze me at what they say and with their "I don't care" attitude. And I'm OH SO TIRED of shrugging shoulders and rolling eyes. There is a teacher, Ron Clark, that moved from the South to teach in an inner city school up North - New York maybe. He dealt with much more than I've encountered - but he established wonderful rules in his room - 55 essential rules actually - and changed these kids lives! I've read some many stories about teachers who have done these amazing things - I think I've become a bit naive to assume that I will change a child, or that I even have the ability to change a child and their attitude. All I can do is hope that I can do that though. I WANT to do that. I don't want to just stand in front of a classroom and talk about something boring - I want to move the students to want to learn and have fun doing it and be respectful to their teacher and every single other adult they encounter in their life. It seems as though parents aren't teaching that anymore. I know mine did. I don't remember them saying ok respect every adult, but they led by example and just expected us to yes mam, no sir, etc - to everyone. I don't remember it being a big deal, we just did it. It was easy to do too! So why can't these kids in my class do the same??? Things are just different these days - that what I hear. But why? Why does it have to be different? I know we've done things differently with Cole that my parents did with me, but I didn't have cancer when I was three, so that's a little different. But I still try to raise a wonderful child who is respectful and behaves for the most part, and knows to say thank you and your welcome and all that stuff. These kids in my class don't even bother with thank you most of the time. They think I OWE them or something - it drives me crazy! I can see why a lot of first year teachers end up quitting and doing something else. It's hard. I just hope I make the right decisions and have great relationships with my kids parents so that we're all on a team together. I know I will have some of THOSE kids in my room, but I sincerely hope that I can make a difference in that type of child and they will respect the adults in their world and take some pride in themselves at the same time!!!

ok - enough about that!!! GEEZ! I'm working on a few other things besides school and struggling in the process! I can't get it all done, but want to really badly. I need to make some blinkies and banners to do some advertising for the scrapbooking website I'm on. We really want some new members to join in. We aren't a scrapbook store - just an online community! So you can live anywhere to join up and have some wonderful discussions with us, join in some challenges which are oh so much fun - lots of friends have been made here so I'm hoping we'll get some more members soon and can plump up our membership! So I am going to design some blinkies and banners for us to put on our blogs, other message boards, etc. So if you are reading this and want to check it out - come on over - www.paperplacescrapbooking.net - it's a great site and we have a lot of fun. We're making lots of changes so we'll be a great online community. We were a local store until the end of last year, so we're changing and adapting and growing!!! So come check up out and sign up and meet the Design Team, and all our great members.

I'm also working on a flyer for the Chemo Moms upcoming fundraiser! We're having a chemo crop I guess. We want to host an all day crop and the proceeds will go to our support group for local families with pediatric cancer. So I need to get busy on that. SO - I guess I need to get off of this thing and get busy - some laundry, some dishes and a blinkie or two!

have a wonderful day - leave me a comment - smile at someone you don't know - and remember the rest is still unwritten.................
lisa

I know I've got to do better than this.........this once in a blue moon updating!

So, some blogs I stalk are updated daily, I'm lucky if I get to mine monthly!! But I'll try to do better! REALLY! So much has happened since my last entry. The Scrap Etc. Event was AWESOME. I have so much fun and met tons of wonderful ladies. Sadly, I wasn't smart enough to get email addresses for them all. Some aren't on the Scrap Etc. Message Board. So I'll have to work on tracking them down. The classes were amazing and I learned so much - I learned that my camera may actually take really great pictures if I learned how to use it! I learned that the Crop-a-Dile will punch holes in a clipboard. I learned that I'm not the only person who has a creative link to music. It seems like many of the teachers pulled music into the 'lessons'. They picked songs that spoke to them, and in turn, spoke to me. So, now I don't feel like such a geek for loving music so much!!! I just can't help it. It's why I worked in a music store for as long as I could - I simply loved it. I only wish I had been scrapbooking way back then - or at least taking pictures of our store, which I loved and the group of people I worked with!! Lots of creativity I could have documented!


ANYWAY - the event was really great. I'm almost finished with most of my projects. I'm hoping to finish up a few today and get them posted on Scrap Etc. and The Paperplace Scrapbooking Community Board, and probably here too. I was very excited to step out of my normal 'sweet and sugary' scrapping and do something really scrapalicious - totally different than my normal stuff. And it was wonderful to be in a place, surrounded by people who totally 100% get this hobby, this passion. I *LOVE* to scrapbook! And they did too, so they understood why I would take pictures of the decorations, or the flowers on our table, because they were doing the same! NO KIDDING! I got some great free goodies while I was there too and that's always a nice bonus!!!

The ONLY bad thing about the event is we had car trouble on the way. Originally, Jason and Cole were staying behind and I was trekking out on my own. I had my book on CD ready to go and everything. Jason changed his mind and decided they would come along. I was so glad! Who wants to drive four+ hours by themselves, at night? Not me, really! The last time I made a trip that far or farther by myself, I was following the ambulance that was transporting Cole to St Jude in Memphis! Not a great memory really! So we headed out Thursday afternoon and got about 20 miles outside of Mobile and the SERVICE ENGINE SOON light came on! We KNEW! You know - sometimes you just KNOW! We've had repeated transmission problems with this van. Sadly though, it was the van of my dreams. YES, I actually had dreams of this van! :) Well, not really, but it was exactly what I wanted. We bought it at the very last minute before we took off for Memphis. We don't think the dealership even checked this thing out - it had not even been detailed yet! SERIOUSLY! So, after being in Memphis a month or so, something went wrong, can't remember what though. Then in June (on Father's Day) the transmission just went out - flat out, not even drivable at all. So we end up with a new transmission. Now, less than six months ago, we saw that wonderful little LIGHT again and found out some sensors in the transmission had gone out. We went through a friendly family mechanic and he sent it on to his transmission guy and it was fixed. So now, we're thinking - what's next?? COME ON transmission gods - help us out. In the meantime, we get off the interstate and hope to find some mechanic still open after 5:00pm because it is now 5:06pm! We find one - and what a catch he was!!! I can't even tell you how attractive his 'plumbers pants' were and how much the local doggie enjoyed it as well! That's another story though! He hooks it up and checks the codes and says, yep it's the transmission (in a very Mator voice - you know from Cars). He also says he doesn't know exactly WHAT it is, but he wouldn't drive it. FABULOUS! At this point, I'm thinking - no classes, no door prizes, no scrap goodies, no meeting the ladies I've been chatting online with for months now - NOTHING BUT A BROKEN VAN! Well, we make calls, figure things out and FINALLY get a rental car. We leave Mobile around 8:00pm - four hours LATE!

So, after THE EVENT, we get home and get the van to a REAL transmission shop and he says - it's the transmission! Now, THAT was news to us, right? ;) So we, or shall I say Jason, decided to stop and have a chat with someone, anyone, at the dealership where the 'dream' van (AKA the demon van) came from. They will look at it for no charge and tell us what's wrong! So, it's official the transmission is OUT! We were probably lucky it didn't have to be towed anywhere I think. It wouldn't shift about 2nd gear I think. Crazy stuff huh? So At the end of the week, we end up with this............................. So, now we have a warranty and nothing will go wrong, because that's what happens right? If you get a warranty that covers all kinds of stuff - none of that will break. So HOPEFULLY we will have THIS van until it literally falls apart from OLD AGE, not mechanical problems! It doesn't have all the bells and whistles of the OLD DEMON VAN but I will GLADLY give those up for this shiny thing that has a transmission that works! and a warranty that covers that transmission. I mean all I really need is a safe way to transport my child anywhere he wants to go, while packing the car with all we need for every trip we take, and a cd player for Kenny! And that's what we have! Although there are some questions up in the air about whether or not Kenny is aloud to be stuck on my window again. I am not questioning - Jason is. I get the feeling he isn't really a huge Kenny fan, he's more of a Kenny tolerator. But, Monday is Kenny's birthday and I feel as though it is only appropriate to celebrate it by putting his pretty window cling on this shiny new van! :)

Well, I'm sure you are bored now - so that's all from me.

lisa

oh and as a PS - i DO spellcheck but I don't reread for grammar - so sorry if I mess anything up. But as I was spellchecking - I discovered that 'scrapbooking' is not in the spellchecking world as a word - every place I've done a spellcheck, it says it's wrong. I think the scrapbookers of the world need to take care of this and call up Webster and let him know we're angry about this. IT'S A WORD - CHECK IT!

EDITTED TO ADD: The song playing (or video rather) was played during one of the Scrap Etc. classes - I had never heard it before (I'm a country girl - forgive me) but I loved it - so here it is - I hope you listen to the words and love it too! and the photos are now here!

It's about time............

It's about time for an update huh? Sorry - I'm really not used to this blog thing. I used to do a pretty good job of keeping up with Cole's Caringbridge site - but even now, I tend to wait weeks before updating. But in the cancer world that just means things are doing good!

So, what's been going on here? Well, I made the Design Team for The Paper Place Scrapbooking Community! I was so excited about that!! I almost didn't try out but then I thought if I never put myself out there - I'll just be here - scrapping away and never trying to do anything more than the normal average me stuff. Instead, I really had to think a little about what I was doing and step out of the box I find myself in! So, check out the blinkie at the bottom of my blog here, click it - you'll be taken to the homepage of The Paper Place Scrapbooking Community! It's great. We all have scrapbooking in common, but we are also good friends and ALWAYS welcome new members! (Nice plug for the site huh?)

So besides that, we went to Memphis and had a great check up! Cole is still cancer free! However, he isn't growing. We thought we had some growth on the check up before that, but now we're wondering if the measurement was accurate. We don't know. So on our next visit they want to do this growth hormore testing. It's not horrible, but not something we're jumping for joy about. The basics are they will put Cole's body into stress so to speak so that the growth hormone will kick in. Then they can measure it and see how it is functioning. If it is barely functioning, we will be told about growth hormone injections. This is a 6 out of 7 day thing. A shot - every night for 6/7 nights. The shot is similar to a TB skin test - not deep in the muscle or anything, but non the less - a shot. We have so prayed we wouldn't have to go this route - but it looks like we may have to. The good news is the earlier they find this - the better. The earlier he starts these shots, the more time he has to grow and he can be on a lower amount of hormones. If the kids are older when they start, they have less time to get the body doing what it needs to do. So, we'll probably be doing this test at the end of May! YUCK! Please say a little prayer for some growth - significant growth would be nice - but if we can't have this, pray that this sweet boy of mine will adapt easily and let us give him this shot! He is so wonderful and rolls with the punches most of the time and I can only hope he'll adapt to this as well.

What else is up? Well, Jason had four teeth cut out a week ago tomorrow. It was an ORDEAL. The pain meds knocked him out - literally, as in he fainted, passed out cold! I was at school/work and his mom was the nurse for the day and it freaked her and his dad out. All is well now - we got the pain meds right and he's healing slowly. He's eating solid food now - which is wonderful . You can only eat so many bowls of soup, plates of mashed potatoes and bowls of pudding! I know he's ready for the pain to be gone!

Next Thursday around 4pm I'll be loading up the car and heading to B'ham for the Scrap Etc. Event. I'm so excited. I'm going alone and am a little nervous about that - but I've "talked" to so many of the girls that are going thru the message board - that I feel like I know them and they are so welcoming and kind! I also want to get to know these girls since we will be moving to that area over the summer (sorry PP girls)! This way I won't be a stranger in the scrapping world there! I'll really miss the girls here. We don't get to scrap much together anymore, but when we do, it's really fun. It's made a huge difference in my life to meet these girls and make new friends here in Mobile. Sadly, I'll be leaving them though! That stinks! But at least next year, they can come up for the Scrap Etc Event and I'll get to host them!!!

Ok - what else am I behind on? OH - I was on the radio! Talking about Cole of course! WKSJ does a radiothon each year to raise money for St Jude. We went last year and Jason talked. This year, since he had four less teeth and quite the pain med buzz going on - it was up to me. They knew it was my first time so thankfully the wonderful Bill Black didn't ask too many questions. I just knew I would get all choked up if he did! It was just a nice conversation - that's all. Cole talked as well - about Winnie the Pooh, of all things! Crazy kid! We really hinted around too about how much we LOVE Kenny Chesney - just hoping for some tickets, or Kenny goodies - ANYTHING. But they didn't take the hint. Maybe of wearing my St Jude gear, I should have thrown a Kenny shirt of Cole (and myself) and carried my Kenny purse! Anyway - they made some good money for the local Jude kids, but not as much as they usually do. I think the bad weather Thursday evening really put a damper on things. I wish I could hit the lottery and give a ton to the Jude! I would do it in a heartbeat! Anything for Dr. Gajjar!

Alright - I think I've bored you enough! I'm outta here............................
lisa